The Last Text…

Well I finally did it, I deleted the last text I had on my mobile phone that was sent from my ex-husband.  He sent it in July 2006 and it simply read “I am…..and will always be, in love with you xxx”.  Less than a year later he asked for a divorce and moved out the following day.

Why did I keep the text for so long?  I sometimes would ask myself this very question.  I’m not sure why I couldn’t bear to delete it for so many years, after all, hanging onto the past can sometimes keep us from moving into the future.  Perhaps it carried some sentimental value for me.  Perhaps I just wasn’t ready to admit always was over.

Once upon a time I was one of those romantic types that sought out cards that proclaimed an always love but I’ve since learned that nothing is for always.  The best I can do is love for the moment and enjoy every wonderful experience of being in a relationship until always is over.

It took me a long time to come to terms with this breakup.  The few first years I was in shock trying to get my head around the idea that always could end.  Then came the divorce which was another emotionally charged time for me.  I cried when I had to give my solicitor my marriage certificate.  My ex-husband seemed unmoved by it all, appearing somewhat impatient for always to be over.

But still I couldn’t delete that text.  Something in me couldn’t accept the end of always.

The years have passed and I’ve done a lot of healing.  I now realise I never would have grown if I had stayed in that relationship.  I have become (and am still becoming) a much better version of myself.

A few months ago I learned he remarried.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I don’t know why it was so upsetting because I know I am a better person without him.  But I guess it was one last sad good-bye and a confirmation that always was now well and truly over.

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